*Let everybody see that I Love you and you Love me*
Sunday, April 09, 2006
numb
it pouring outside... it suddenly started to rain super heavily!! i had like the worse drive home just now... i could barely see the road and i must say it was really really freaky! i had like thoughts of getting into an accident and dying...(choy!!). i think the weather is making me like think funny. the lightning was blinding and the thunder is really damn bloody loud lah. I HATE THE RAIN!!
anyway, since its a gloomy nite, i have gloomy thoughts.... can't help but think of all things sad and unpleasant. it doesnt help that "you" had to message me that long message... i really don't know wat to reply and it just sucks. im trying to live my life normally, but that is something you can never accept! ive said sorry a million times and thats all i can say! i am extremely lost for words or expressions... im lost in my own world and i just wish things was much simpler than this. i never meant to hurt you and seeing ya cry just breaks my heart... you can call me evil and heartless, but everything i do is the best for both of us! you just cannot see it... its weird how you think that you can read my mind (and i honestly think you can), but this doenst justify that we were a match made in heaven. it might be true that no one will ever love me more than you, but to tell ya the truth.... im willing to take that chance that i will never be loved that much again.
i do not hate you for everything you put me through, nor do i hate you for making my heart so painful because i know you are hurting alot too... no doubt i am stronger than you, however this doesnt give ya reason to be weak! the thought of how stupid this is really kills me... you think i go to bed everyday feeling on top of the world?? you think i like it when i have to lie to you or hide things from you?? at the end of the day, i know wat is good for myself and for you... once again, i'm really sorry!! you are gonna hate me after you see this (i just know it). im NUMB!~
